Chapter 30

I slip into my new daily uniform — workout pants, sports bra, and t-shirt. I examine myself in the mirror. Even if the only people seeing me are my family and the chiropractor, I still need to look presentable. I don’t need to look good, just slightly better than when I rolled out of bed.

Huh. That’s weird. How did I get deodorant on my pants? Just a little spit should wipe that away…..Nope. Hmm….. Motherfucker! My ass got so big it broke my workout pants. Those white streaks are elastic stretched beyond their intended usage. We’ll just put on a big sweatshirt to cover that…..

Quarantine sucks. Functional movement disorders suck. Laying around for a month resting after my brain injury, taking a max of three thousands steps a day, did nothing for my metabolism. The weekly family size bag of peanut M & Ms that I hide from my family don’t do much for me either.

Now I’m stuck at home, out of shape, with a serious chocolate habit. Mornings are for coffee. Evenings are for wine/cider and sometimes hot cocoa spiked with whipped cream vodka. Online distance teaching is time consuming and mentally exhausting. You would think that being able to sit all.day.long would be good for me. Nope. The stress of distance teaching while helping my own three children learn/do their work, frequently causes my symptoms to flare AND I learned this week, make my butt too big for my stretch pants.

I resolved to do better. I finished the giant bag of M & Ms, threw out the evidence, and then promised to not replenish the stash (excepting what the Easter Bunny brought and he has better moderation tendencies than myself). I read through reviews of different workouts available for streaming and found one I thought I could do successfully (easy on the knees and not requiring lots of upper body strength).

At 6 years old and full of energy and emotions, we’ve been letting Robin run off some steam on the treadmill. He is now up to 2.5 miles with no break. I “run” along beside him. Other times I pretend I’m chasing him, but can’t catch him. Lucky for me, his jogging speed is a fast paced walk for me.

My personal goal is what it always is –finally get strong. I now have a new additional goal, don’t add anymore additional stretch lines to my clothes.

This week was a pretty big one for me. I got to have my end of treatment evaluation with the chiropractor AND I also got to “meet” with the doctor from the neuroscience department at Danish Blueberry. I was in a lot of pain from constant jerking when I started at the chiropractor. Six weeks later, the pain is gone and I have way better range of motion.

Chiropractic treatment also provided a glimpse into my overall health improvement. Six weeks ago, the chiropractors, Doctors Spiny and Green-Lashes, took pictures and video of me. In order to hold still for them to take pictures and x-rays, we would count and I would briefly still the tremors, causing my eyes to squeeze shut. Add in some muffin top, and let me just tell you how attractive those pictures are. The video shows me with constant facial twitches and jazz hands. Despite having a flare this week, in my updated video the jazz hands are slower and there are no facial twitches. This time I was easily able to hold still for pictures and my eyes are open. I AM GETTING BETTER!!!

Yesterday I woke up ready to meet Dr. Moves. Sleep evaded me, so I was ready starting at 4 am for my 10 am appointment. The lack of sleep also meant my functional movement disorder would be on full display — maybe that was a good thing? I liked Dr. Moves immediately. He smiled and it felt genuine.

Dr. Moves listened as he had me walk through my ordeal in detail. He validated my experience. He wasn’t surprised that the hospital had not known how to treat my condition or that I had been made to feel like it was all in my head. I appreciated that Dr. Moves ran me through all the tests the other neurologists have done. It was awkward since it was through a computer and I could not angle it for the life of me to show my feet.

Dr. Moves shared that they (“they” being the medical establishment) are still learning a lot about functional movement disorders. Apparently, the very month I was injured, an article came out about them, calling functional moves disorders a “silent epidemic.” Dr. Moves called my condition a disease and outlined the brain science of it. He did not endorse the use of anti-depressants to treat my condition (to my great relief).

Dr. Moves felt my needs were serious and said he would put me at the front of the line when his department begins seeing patients in person. He is recommending a two pronged approach. I may be able to start as soon as another month. I told him my goal was to be able to stop taking medication to control the symptoms, and ideally be symptom free.

To my surprise, he was very interested in my craniosacral therapy treatments since during them, all my symptoms cease. He wanted to learn more in order to possibly recommend it to other patients. Dr. Moves asked for contact information for both my craniosacral therapist and chiropractors. He ended the meeting by letting me know he would have everything typed up in about 10 minutes and then send it off to me.

Dude wasn’t lying. It really was about 10 minutes before I got a MyChart notification. It was a full and fairly lengthy write up. A couple of hours later I get another MyChart notification. That’s weird. I decide to see what it is. Low and behold, it is an email from Dr. McHottie Hot. He had also received a positive email from Dr. Moves, saying I was improving. Dr. McHottie Hot was hoping it was true and wanted me to give him an update. Awwww.

It’s the end of Spring Break. We are in quarantine. Parks are closed. My pants don’t fit. My kids are losing their minds. Things suck but I got a bunch of good news this week. I have proof I’m getting better –via x-rays, pictures, and video. It’s no longer anecdotal. My new doctor, Dr. Moves, seems pretty great. I have a robust care team at this point. And even though he is busy working on the front lines of a pandemic, Dr. McHottie Hot sent me an email just to check on me.