Chapter 10

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. What do you do when it’s pouring down rain and you can’t drive.

I spend Wednesday morning grading tests. Progress Reports are coming out Friday! I want the grades to be accurate, but I’ve excused myself from writing comments. Sorry parents.

Hmmm. Lets write some lesson plans for the substitute. Could I be more vague? Not being in the classroom, it’s not like I’ve left things ready for the sub. I’m really organized, but that doesn’t mean I’ve memorized exactly what’s in each of my unit binders and what needs to be photocopied. I hope the sub likes hands-on inquiry based science. Oh geez! Next week they are doing full labs with lab reports. Stress stress stress. No. Stop. They are only 6th graders. If they have a less than awesome lab experience this one week, it will not ruin them forever. Let go. Let go. Let go.

Mid-day Rick texts me. Father just heard about what happened (he had been gone) and wants to know if I would like to receive the sacrament of Annointing of the Sick. I would. I actually deeply would. I am brought to tears by how much I would like this and it surprises me.

Father then begins emailing me through 3 different email addresses to make sure I get the messages. Would I like to come in or have him come to me? Well I can’t drive, so…..

The cleaners came in the morning so the house smells like lemon and is extra clean.

Father and I have a complicated relationship. We don’t always see eye to eye. My current situation all started when I went in to get an IUD, something prohibited by the Church. Did God just smite me? Do I get to be forgiven even though I’m not about to take the IUD out? Can I receive the Sacrament while in a state of sin? Inviting Father to my house and asking to receive the Sacrament of Annointing of the Sick leaves me feeling vulnerable, but it could be a path to better relations between us.

Father was coming at 3:30. At about 1:30 I realized I should probably tell Dave what was happening and that he might want to come because it could be weird if he wasn’t there. Like all good Catholics, I think of it as a Sacrament for the dying. I’d never seen it administered. Would I be lying on the couch? What does one wear? Was I under-dressed in my jeans, sweatshirt, and wool socks? I mentioned my conundrum to my friend, Dana, as she dropped off my kids from school. She suggested my wedding dress. I briefly considered retrieving it from behind my dresser in my room, but decided to stick with the jeans and sweatshirt.

Father arrived just before 4 pm. I answered the door and greeted him. I find it is almost easier if I am the one to answer the door because it lets everyone clearly see that state of the situation. I am not dead, I’m still me, but I am shaking and have trouble speaking.

I told the kids that they did not have a choice, even if Father asked them if they would like to join. We sat in my front room. Father took a seat across from me on the coffee table. Dave sat next to me with Robin and Eileen on on the other side of him. Linus was in a chair. All three kids were quiet and respectful.

It’s a pretty simple service and I almost hate to admit it, but as Father spoke, I felt my right hand (the one normally the most twitchy) calm a little. I mouthed the prayers and said them in my head. I really tried to be open to experience and allow God’s healing presence.

As soon as it was over, the kids walked way like it was no big deal. Dave and I just shook our heads. Both of us had never seen this sacrament. Here they are as kids getting to witness it and they’re like, “Yeah. That’s great. I’m going to my room now.”

Father stayed and we chatted. This is something we’ve never really done before and I tried to let my guard down a little. He swears to students that he has facial blindess, but we shall see….

I was up front with him that I was writing about my experience. If I’m going to get in trouble because someone with an axe to grind is concerned that I should not be teaching, I wanted to put all the cards on the table. Adult Charlotte is a take charge person.

Father sort of laughed, lightly waved his arm dismissively, and stated (and I quote), “You can write what you want.”

I admit I was relieved. We chatted a bit more and then he left. We continued with an evening of normalcy. I made dinner, Dave helped Robin with his homework. While water boiled, I graded science tests.

Later in the evening, Dave drove me to a massage appointment. My whole body was tense and exhausted. I just wanted relief and thought maybe hitting some pressure points would relieve the tremors.

I enjoyed the massage. However, it is hard to relax when your twitching muscles are fighting against it. It all went much better when I was face down. My body didn’t fight as hard, or I at least didn’t notice. Driving back, my facial muscles freaked out for a few minutes. The tremors are always better when I am lying down. However, if they have been at rest they sort of freak out, like they’ve been restrained and are suddenly unleashed.

What I can say, is that after a massage and receiving the Sacrament of Annointing of the Sick, I feel a little better. The tremors have eased a little. After dinner, I laid down for a bit and felt a fluid like energy sensation move down through my arms and legs.

I think. I hope. I might be getting better.