5 years ago I was wracked with pelvic pain. My toddler son accidentally touching me would send me screaming and writhing in pain. It hurt so much. I was referred to an OB/GYN and they said, well you probably have adenomyosis. The easiest way to treat it is to get an IUD.
At the time, my husband and I had not completely ruled out another baby. However, sometimes pain is a huge motivator. I got the IUD. The pain went away. End of story. Sort of.
IUDs are only good for about 5 years. I made an appointment to get mine replaced. Take that adenomyosis! This time it was complicated by the fact that I work for the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church does not support birth control and therefore does not allow its health insurance to cover it. I choose paying out of pocket in order to avoid pain in pelvic region.
So Thursday, I leave school at the bell. I can’t explain the nerves I’m feeling. When the Dr. McHH walks in the room, I exclaim, “Lets do this!” Having accepted the paracervical block, I wait for the feel of the needle. Immediately, I feel my right leg go fuzzy/numb and I think to myself, “okay I can deal with this,” while aloud I exclaim, “I’m so hiiiiiigh!.”
Suddenly, all the air was sucked out of the room. No one spoke. I couldn’t open my eyes no matter how hard a tried. I saw colors and my ears were ringing. I couldn’t move. I felt my doctor place his hand on my chest and ask, “Charlotte, are you still with me?”
I tried to nod. I have no idea if it was discernible. I fought against whatever it was that had taken over my body. I felt the doctor taking my blood pressure. He then asked me to hold his hand. I think I found his wrist. I don’t know why, but I wasn’t scared. The seizing continued for 10 minutes. Somewhere along the line, someone remembered to remove the speculum.
Eventually, the seizing stopped. I could open my eyes. I looked around. The nurse (we will call her Cool Nurse Chick, cause she’s pretty great) just stared wide eyed. Dr. McHH looked a combination of concerned and relieved. No one spoke. We all just looked at one one another. My right arm was still shaking. My voice was jolted. We just all tried to talk quietly and wait for my body to recover. Dr. McHH brought me water.
I thought to ask what it was I had been injected with –lidocaine — and then suggested we add it to my file for future reference. My body slowly calmed, but my right arm continued to shake. Dr. McHH asked if I still wanted to do this (get an IUD). I firmly stated. “Yes. I not going through all this again.” At the time I was thinking more about the fact that me having a doctor’s appointment meant my husband had to leave work early to pick up the kids. Classic.
Dr. McHH removed the first IUD and it wasn’t the worst thing ever. And then he “sounded the uterus.” Motherfucker! After everything, the paracervical block did not work. It’s hard to describe just how horrible this. You feel like you want to crawl up the table to get away. It is NOT a good feeling. It is the opposite of good, it is bad, very very bad. The IUD placement was not fun either, but it pales in comparison to the sounding.
Once the whole procedure is over, my hand still shaking, and my voice stuttering, I announce, “I don’t think I should drive.” Dr. McHH agreed. He asked if Dave (my husband) was in the lobby. Silly man, no. He had the kids so I could do this with less stress. I can’t call due to shaking hands and voice, so Dr. McHH talks to Dave and asks him to come get me.
Of course, I’m immediately thinking about how we are going to get my car because I have work in the morning. After hanging up, Dr. McHH takes a look at me and says, “Maybe Dave should take you to the ER.” I say okay. Pause. “Maybe Dave should just meet you at the ER. I could call an ambulance.” I, through broken speech replied, “No. I’m not paying for an ambulance when the hospital is 3 blocks away. I’ll crawl.” Dr. McHH thinks for a moment, “I guess I could take you in my car. What that be okay?” Yes.
Dr. McHH calls Dave again on the phone, tells us to meet us at the hospital. The Cool Nurse Chick helps me put pants on (did I mention I was still in a state of undress?) and grabs my purse while Dr. McHH grabs a wheelchair and proceeds to wheel me to his car.
We make awkward small talk during the 3 block drive. Of course I did a sensory awareness: is there a presence of sweat smell? No. Fast food? No. Grotesquely dirty? No. Like new and clean? No. An executive decision is made to not go in through the ambulance bay. Luckily, at that moment a spot out front opened up. We took it. Dr. McHH ran in and grabbed a wheelchair, and in we went.